Kim's Startling Past Pitfalls Light An Uplifting Path For Survivors

[00:00:01] Speaker A: I'm Rachelle Smith, and my voice is a weapon against wrongdoing, and so is yours. Join me as I expose the truth and stand up for those affected by military sexual trauma. We can break the silence together. Welcome to the silence voices of MST. [00:00:24] Speaker B: My name is Kim Henry, and my pronouns are she, her, and hers. I am a Navy veteran and single mom in west Texas. San Angelo is where I'm at. Most people don't recognize that, so I just say West Texas. I am a licensed master social worker, which essentially means that I focus on large scale social work, macro social work. So really, the programs and policies rather than the clinical, one on one help that most people are familiar with when it comes to social work. And I own my own business. I'm a small business owner developing nonprofits. So I have my hand in a couple different baskets. But I'm happy to be here, and I'm really grateful for allowing me to share a little bit of my story with you today. [00:01:08] Speaker A: Yes. Thank you so much for just having the courage to come forward. It is scary to just bury your soul in front of a bunch of people that you don't know, especially with something so deeply personal. So you've mentioned that you are a Navy veteran. What influenced your choice to join the Navy? [00:01:28] Speaker B: You know, that's a funny story, but essentially, it was the last day of my high school career. You know how they let the seniors out a little bit before graduation and before everyone else gets out. And I was working at the county prosecutor's office, and I got a phone call from a recruiter, hey, did you know you have a good asvab score? You want to join the Navy? And in my mind, I'm like, well, I was going to go to college for debates. Like, I got a scholarship. But of course, the Navy has some really exciting things that they like to throw at you. You know, the top secret clearance. Because I wanted to be intel and a consistent paycheck. They'll pay for college healthcare. I was caring for my younger brother at the time, so I could have possibly made him independent and got him healthcare. And I got to see the world, you know, small town girl from Kansas. A lot of people from the midwest joined the marines or the army. And I said, you know what? Let me. I guess I can join the navy. And I did. I had talked to a lot of different people and asked a lot of questions, and many of them had called my recruiter back and been like, this girl's got a lot of questions. I don't know if she's gonna make it. But I wasn't supposed to leave until that December, but I got a phone call a little bit after my graduation, so a couple days later, and, hey, we got you the intel job, but you leave in June, in twelve days. [00:02:48] Speaker A: Wow. [00:02:48] Speaker B: And I was like, oh, my goodness. But I'm glad that that happened. I'm glad I didn't have six months to wait around in my little small town, you know, I'm glad I just went when I did. And, you know, it was scary, terrifying. Not what I expected at all. The things that I thought would be hard were not. There were things that were hard that I was like, oh, I did not even expect this at all. So it was quite an interesting experience, really. I joined to be able to create a solid foundation for my future, and at the time, for the future of my brothers, my little brothers. [00:03:24] Speaker A: I understand, and that's. That's so noble of you. I love that bird. When you're 18, a lot of people aren't really thinking big picture like that. They're just, you know, something's in front of them and they're like, sure, let's do it right. Wonderful. Yeah, absolutely. So when you got through your basic training and went on to your first duty station, what was that experience like for you? [00:03:50] Speaker B: Yeah, boot camp was hard in the aspect. I. It was a lot of women in a small area, you know, and that's not what they really prepare you for. Getting yelled at, doing push ups, like, okay. I mean, in a way, it's. It's a game. I mean, it's part of the process. Process you just go through. Right? Whoo. Being with that many women in this small group, you know, and not to necessarily be stereotypical, but it's just a very unique environment. You know, everyone. People go to college and they're like, oh, yeah, I was in the dorms, and I'm like, there's 80 women in a space as big as some of y'all's living rooms. You know what I mean? So that was interesting. But I was in charge of laundry, and I always tell people, no matter what you're doing, do it well, because you never know what might come from that. And even though I was in charge of washing all their laundry, I did it so well that we never. You can only do it on certain days, colors on certain days, socks on certain days. I mean, you had to be on the strict schedule. You can only use certain materials, so forth and so on. And again, a long story short is we never got any inspection hits we always did great on our inspection, and we were just a well oiled machine, and I led that, and I got meritoriously promoted. So, you know, I wasn't in charge of the entire division, but I had a very vital role, and I did it well, and I got a promotion out of that. So I left boot camp as an e two, which was pretty cool. Awesome. So, yeah. And getting to my first duty station, I went to Pensacola, Florida, for training and again got made fun of because I worked really hard and I wanted to finish at the top of my class, which I did, but I'm glad I did because I got to pick my orders. And I went, picked, actually, to come to San Angelo for advanced training and then to Hawaii, and everyone else went straight to a ship out of Virginia or Bahrain. Yes. So I was super happy about that. But being in Virginia, excuse me, being in Hawaii or having that chance, I was sitting there and I had the choice between Hawaii or Colorado. And. And, you know, I could have gone to Colorado, been close to home, still taking care of everyone. But that in that moment, I joined the Navy. I went through boot camp. I went through this training. Like, I need to do something for me. Like, I'm already doing this for my family, for my future, you know, and to help them, but let me make a decision for me. And that decision was to go ahead and go to Hawaii. You know, that was for me, and I don't regret it. It was awesome. Big change. Big, big difference. Big experience, you know, adapting. But I loved it. I love being outdoors. I loved challenging those who did not like the outdoors to get outdoors and away from their computers and their game systems. Yeah. But I loved, it was great. And I got to deploy three different times on three different ships. There's some people who will spend a 20 year career on the same kind of ship. I didn't do that. Right. I did ten years, and I spent. Each of my deployments was on a different ship. So that was a cool experience as well. [00:06:52] Speaker A: Wow. Yeah. My goodness, that is a whole lot of experience for you. Were 1819 at the time. [00:07:00] Speaker B: I was 18. Yes. Well, you know, I was in Japan during the tsunami, and we didn't know what it was. We were in LA. We were on, on land at the time in Yakuza, and that's a little bit away from the center of the tsunami, but, you know, the lights are, like, swaying and I'm like, oh, that's weird. And I was trying to get a qualification. So I hadn't slept a lot, and I was like, I really need to get some. Some sleep. But the lights were swaying, and nobody was moving. Like, nobody else noticed. And I'm like, man, maybe I'm just crazy. Well, it's just like in the movies. Everyone slowly stood up, and we're all like, what is happening? And we all walked outside. There's this concrete bridge that's swaying back and forth. Something's, like, flying off in the. Down the pier, and I don't know what's happening. So I just walked down, you know, 100 yards to my ship on the pier, and just walk up on the ship. I'm here, and they're like, are you okay? And I'm like, yeah. Did something just happen? And they're like, yeah, we just had an aftershock or an earthquake. And I was like, oh. And they were like, our ship's not even connected to the pier. And I was like, what? I guess what I had seen fly up in the air was one of our, what people call ropes. But in the navy, align had come unattached from the pier, from our ship. So technically, our ship was still attached, but one of the lines was not. And so I'm just walking up the brow going to my ship, you know, I had no idea. And I was like, you know, oh, in Kansas, we have tornadoes. They would not let me down. The rest of the deployment, they're like, okay, Dorothy. It was. I shouldn't have said anything, so. But, I mean, I've never been in an earthquake or tsunami or aftershock. And, yeah, that was quite an experience. I was 18, going 19 at that time, going through recovery operations, power plant explosions. Yeah, it was. I never wanted to go, honestly, go back to Japan. It was. It was a lot to take in and only so much you could do, you know, it was hard to see. [00:08:52] Speaker A: That, but, yeah, absolutely. And just coming from Kansas and then it's, you know, a whole new world, whole new language, whole new culture, and then a disaster on top of it. [00:09:04] Speaker B: Right? [00:09:05] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:09:06] Speaker B: That's a lot. Yes. Oh, wow. [00:09:09] Speaker A: But it does sound like it was rewarding on some level to be able to be there and help and make a difference. [00:09:17] Speaker B: Yes, it was. I mean, part of why, I guess I didn't mention, but I joined the Navy. I thought we would do more humanitarian things. I thought, like, oh, I can go help people, you know, donate items and stuff. And we didn't, you know, that's more the coast guard, you know, and so I didn't realize that, but I. We did get to do a lot of humanitarian support, a lot of people depended on us working with the japanese coast guard. This was my first appointment, and I was a little baby e three, I think, at the time. And it was eye opening and not even that. I mean, waking up the next day, we had no idea how bad it was until I wake up the next day. And Facebook was really the only social media then. And I had over 115, I think, notifications of people. Oh, my gosh. Are you okay? Who knew that I was in Japan? I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. Why? And, you know, I didn't realize. And I'm scrolling through and I'm seeing the pictures of what Japan is going through. And, I mean, we didn't know. We felt a huge aftershock, but we, I mean, the country just shut down, so we had no access to anything, you know, and no news. We didn't know. And so in a way, it was kind of heartwarming to get those note that people remembered I was in Japan, but sat, you know, I felt horrible that they were worried about me, but just. It's just one of those things. I mean, we're also very lucky. You know, I've thought about that time and watched documentaries on that tsunami and, like, man, like, a couple hundred, you know, miles down the road, that could have been us, so. [00:10:50] Speaker A: Right. [00:10:50] Speaker B: It's just surreal. [00:10:52] Speaker A: Yeah. My goodness. And in chatting with you, it seems very much like your energy is, I want to help others, and I want to be a part of making life better for others. Did that lead to you becoming the social worker? Was that just intrinsic desire? [00:11:13] Speaker B: Yes. My experience, after a while I was there in Japan, I actually found out I got accepted. I applied to go to the naval academy. And because I was already enlisted, I go, you go to the prep school first in Rhode island, and then you go to the academy. And I had found out there that I got accepted. And we got back deployment. I packed up and went to Newport, Rhode island, and was going to be an officer while I was there, unfortunately, I experienced sexual harassment and retaliation for. For not even necessarily reporting it, but just trying to get that person to leave me alone, trying to get away from that person because they were my direct supervisor. And I mean, again, I'm 1920 years old. And where I was, we didn't have a sexual assault representative. We didn't have a prevention and response person. We didn't have a victim advocate. And I really didn't know the program, so I really didn't know where to go or who to talk to. And so I just went to the next person and the chain of command and said, hey, this is what this person is doing to me. Like, can you please get them to stop? It's really uncomfortable. Here's some emails I have. Here's some text messages, like, please just, unfortunately, that's what happened is that person in the chain of command went and told that person directly everything I said. And I get called to that person's office by myself with the door shut. And he tells me, you know, what happens when you go against what people don't. You know what happens when you go against what people want? And, you know, I knew what he was talking about, but, I mean, I was just like, I mean, my heart, you know, just stopped. And he says, things just get harder for you. And sure enough, the next three months I was there was miserable. I faced retaliation. I faced hazing for my peers, and they allowed it to happen. I tried to get help for it, and they actually kind of enabled it to happen. So it was just a really difficult experience. And I never, I mean, I felt so alone. And, you know, I go from the person who's leading the restriction program, so leading the sailors who were in trouble for doing something. I was in charge of them right to. Now I'm the one being put on restriction for things that made no sense. Like, I mean, just, you know, things that, like, oh, well, you didn't tell somebody this person was late. Okay, well, neither did my, my coworker who, like, we have the same shared responsibility. Like, I didn't email that person's late because I was worried about them. I, like, I'm worried about their mental health. And so I came to speak to you directly. Well, you should have sent an email. And that next thing you know, I'm on restriction there. My peers are down there taking pictures and videos of me. I mean, it was horrible. And I felt so alone. And that was the first time in my navy career where I felt like, I mean, I thought about suicide, and I just never, ever wanted somebody to feel that way again. And unfortunately, three days before graduation, they told me, I'm not going to the naval Academy. And this is my first time actually publicly, I think saying that a lot of people, you know, I had to choose where I was going to go back. I had to go somewhere else, go back to the fleet. And I went back to Hawaii because I was terrified. And everyone there knew that I was awesome. I was a superstar. So I felt like, you know, I can trust them. And if I go back there, nobody really question it. Nobody will feel like you know, think I failed. They'll see that it was my decision, but it really wasn't, you know, three days before graduation, they. They tell me I'm not going to the naval academy. And they couldn't really explain why. They said I don't fit in. And I found out later through some of the teachers there that they were basically that supervisor and that next supervisor were trying to make me sound crazy. So I went and got a full mental health evaluation because I still had my top secret clearance. And they were like, no, you're fine. It's amazing how well you're handling everything, you know, because I wanted some. I wanted somebody legitimate to say that I was okay and that basically they're lying. And, man, it was. I chose to go back to Hawaii. Of course, some people are like, oh, Henry's back, you know, but of course they just throw me into a leadership position and move on. But it wasn't my choice. And that, you know, that's kind of my first time publicly saying, and I just told everyone, well, being an officer is not for me, at least to the naval Academy. But it wasn't, you know, I filed an appeal on a Friday, I believe, and by Monday morning, somehow my appeal had made it from that office in Rhode island all the way to the superintendent of the naval Academy and backed down the chain of command. And the answer was no on Monday morning. So I believe that my appeal never left that office. No. [00:16:08] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:16:08] Speaker B: Yeah. And so I just never wanted someone to feel like the way I was feeling. That's when. When I went back to Hawaii, I applied and became certified as soon as I could as a sexual assault victim advocate. And so that was 2012. So I've been a sexual assault victim advocate since then. And then, you know, seeing what I had seen in the Navy, experiencing, deploying with different branches, going to different countries, you know, I felt like victim advocacy. You know, I have my childhood trauma, but. But victim advocacy was where I fit where I needed to be. And I loved intel. I did great things. I think I feel bad saying that about myself. I was productive. I got to do some great missions. But at ten years, I had just got a divorce and my son was born. My little brother was twelve. He was living with me. Three months after my son was born, my two nieces were placed in my custody by the state and I became a foster parent and ultimately adopted them. But I went from zero to four kids in a very short time, and only one of them was technically planned, you know, and I wanted to stay in the Navy, but it was time for me to transfer, you know, to deploy. I leave Texas, and I I couldn't until the adoption was finalized, and they weren't really working with me to do that. And I said, you know, this is the one time that I've asked for your help, and I've done so much for the Navy, and I didn't want to wait to start my social work career, so I got out ten years and started, you know, I started my bachelor's while I was still active duty, and then my social work career, of course, kind of started technique, education wise, started there, and when I got out, I transitioned full time as a victim advocate on the base, as a sexual assault victim advocate, as a federal employee, and got my master's in social work and my license. And now here we are today. So. [00:18:18] Speaker A: Wow. Well, thank you so much for sharing this awful experience. And your ability to turn it around is incredible, but I can't imagine what was going through your head when you put in your appeal on that Friday and then magically on Monday. [00:18:39] Speaker B: Yes. That I was told no. And. And, I mean, not even after you. If you're. If you come from the fleet, if you're prior enlisted, before you were at that school, if you. Some people chose not to continue. I mean, throughout the year, we had people leave, quit, you know, go back to the fleet, whatever, and they got to put on their uniform, their old uniform with their old qualifications and their old rank. Well, they wouldn't let me do that, so I had to stand there at graduation and watch everyone else graduate in the school uniform and not my Navy uniform, knowing I was going back to the fleet. Yeah, it was. Yeah, this is definitely my first time saying, you know, kind of what really happened there, because I think I. It resulted in me. We talk about trauma and what it does to the brain and how it impacts you. And I have a service dog, or if you can hear her snoring in the background, but I have a service dog, and people assume that I was shot at or I lost a limb or I killed a bunch of people or horrible stereotypes that veterans have or stigmas. But I think sometimes what's not talked about is the complex trauma and how, because of what happened to me, and that was just harassment. And I did experience assault later in my Navy career as well, and as a federal employee, but because of that situation, I became. I had to be number one at everything. And I. And I talk. I mean, it came out in how I talked to people, and I've since, like, found people on Facebook and apologized to them. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel, like, stupid in the way I condescending way I talked to you, because people always say it's not what you say, it's how you say it. And I hated that. I hated that saying because I did not understand how I could not hear myself. But it wasn't that everyone was stupid, right? It's not that I thought people were ignorant. It was that I already have a plan. I already have an idea. I already have a decision made. This is how we're gonna get there. This is how we're gonna do it. I don't need your help. And it was so crucial to me to get to that point in whatever project or task or program it was that I was, you know, whether I was leading it or not, I had. We had to be the best, and I had to be. And it wasn't necessarily because I wanted to be. It was because I had to. So that nobody else ever again could hurt me or could question my credibility or my work ethic or my performance. But at the same time, I'm talking to people like they're condescending, right? Or like they're ignorant and I'm being condescending, but in my brain, I've already shut off. Like, I don't need your ideas because this is what we're going to do. And thank you for your help, but no, thank you. And, I mean, it's heartbreaking that there's so many people that I know that I've reached out to and some that I haven't still connected with. And I think this is one of the most heartbreaking things for me, but they had no idea why I was talking to them that way. And how did I make them feel? How did they go home that day? Because. And I'm not. Not taking responsibility for my own behavior, but I was living in survival mode. I was surviving because nothing happened. I filed an IG report, and I went on deploying my second deployment. And they basically. They actually told me it fell through the cracks. That was what happened with my report. No. And I didn't want to go back to the naval academy, of course, but, I mean, that's one of the most prestigious schools in the country, and that was ripped away from me, let alone being an officer. And not only that, but just the opportunity. It was my opportunity to take, not somebody else's. And so, yeah, it set the tone for, really, the rest of my navy career into, like, my federal employment. I mean, to today, right? I'm even still processing things. I need to be seen. I need to be validated. And how. I mean, as a mom, how I communicate with other moms. Like, I need them to see that I'm a good. You know, let me bring some cupcakes to the classroom. Right. Like, why does. Why is it so important to me that I bring cupcakes, too? Well, I don't want to be left out, or I don't want to be seen as not helping, or I don't want to be seen as not needed or not worthy. Right. And a lot of that stems from trauma and kind of complex trauma going over and over again, and some of these experiences. And, you know, I think that's. That's the things that people don't talk about when it comes to MST. And, you know, I do have other experiences, like I said, of actual sexual assaults, not just harassment. And that all that did was exasperate. It made it even worse. Right, right. [00:23:51] Speaker A: So, yeah, I can imagine because it's. You're already in survival mode, and then you have, like, survival mode, two electric boogaloo, you know, like, you're just, like, even further clamped down of. Okay, right. This is just reaffirming that the world is a horrible place, and I just need to, I don't know, kick it into, like, fifth gear to make sure never happens. And it's just this horrible cycle that continues. I completely understand. Oof, I'm so sorry that happened. [00:24:26] Speaker B: Right. [00:24:28] Speaker A: What do you think was maybe the breaking point or turning point where you realize, like, okay, I need to get help because I'm treating people not how I want to be treated. I'm very rigid, and I'm. It sounds like you were probably burning the candle at both ends, too, trying to accomplish all of this. [00:24:53] Speaker B: Yeah, that's a good question. I actually had a junior sailor, and, I mean, when I would leave for, like, to go on leave, which was hardly ever, you know, or when I left the office, even for a meeting, I posted notes everywhere, like, okay, all you have to do is type in this email or type in this Excel document, you know? But I had this junior, very junior sailor who worked in my office when I was in charge of training, and I. When I was still active duty. And he had mentioned, like, an idea, and I said, okay, I mean, yeah, I could see that makes sense, but, like, I just don't have time to build that right now. But, like, I like the idea, but I just don't have time to build that. Like, we're gonna have to do this until we can set aside time. And I had left for, like, I think, the rest of the day, that day, for a meeting or an event or project or something, but I came back, and he had it done, and he had built an excel spreadsheet that automatically populated dates. And I was like, this is awesome. Like, thank you. You know, I will say I always did tell people, like, thank you. You know? I do. I tried to always make sure people knew that, like, thank you. Like, they were appreciated, and that made it harder, because I'm like, but I'm telling you. Thank you. But I'm telling you, your idea was awesome. I'm telling you that we need you. We need your input. But I had already hurt, basically hurt them or hurt their feelings, and they didn't care what I had said after that, so. And I now recognize that. But I was like, oh. I was like, well, thank you. Like, this was. This is great, you know? You know, we'll go ahead and implement it. And I was like, I'm sorry. Like I said, I didn't have time. Like, I didn't. I didn't think about you doing it. I didn't know that you were able to do it. And he's, you know, he just said, it's not that. He said, it's not that. I don't know how. It's just that you didn't give me the chance. And that makes me tear up because every day, I just was traumatized because I didn't have a chance, and I recognized that every day there are people that I was not giving a chance because of my trauma, because I'm living in survival mode. And so I realized I do have to take a step back and not just let people come sit at the table, but let them open their mouths, let them bring their ideas to the table, let them lead the table, but, you know, and so, um, him just saying that, like, I mean, I remember I was like, okay, well, you know, that's awesome. And I went downstairs and cried for a minute, but it was. I mean, it let go of a lot, and it was just recognizing I have to give people a chance, too. But don't let my trauma or, like, my triggers or my fears drive my leadership. I don't want to drive. I don't want to be a leader because of my fear. I don't want to be a mentor because of my fear. I don't want to be the number one sailor because of a fear. You know? If I get it, I get it. If I don't I don't. You know, at one point, I was. I was the number one sailor, and I didn't win sailor of the year, and I was just crushed. But it wasn't crushed because I thought I should have won. It was crushed more of, like, I needed to win. Like, I needed to show how awesome I am. So when people really find out what happened, they can say, like, this was not right, what happened to her or if anything happens in the future. And all of that was because of fear. I was living my life with fear. And so him saying that is kind of what was a turning point for me. And, of course, I've had some kind of come to Jesus moments since then, but that was definitely one of those that has always stuck with me. [00:28:26] Speaker A: Sounds like it just hit you like a ton of bricks. My goodness. [00:28:29] Speaker B: It did. Yeah, it did. [00:28:32] Speaker A: Yeah. I noticed in a lot of the conversations I've had with survivors, there is some seminal moment where people are like, okay, I need to turn it around or I need to do something different. And it's usually from somebody younger saying something to them. And I noticed that. And I'm just like, how interesting, because when you. I guess as you mature as an adult, you kind of get more and more set in your ways, and you have your routine and your rhythm, and then somebody just comes out of left field with a, hey, this. Yeah, you don't need to live like this. And it's just like, oh, right. Oh, wow. [00:29:17] Speaker B: I think you think of. I don't know if you've ever seen those, like, basketball glasses where it's supposed to help you with your dribbling, but it's, like, black, right? You're like, there's a thing right here so you can't look down, you know, and. Or those goggles that you can't look to the side. To me, that's kind of what survival mode is like, is you're just like, go here. Because if you turn this way, you're gonna have to face your trauma head first, and you don't want to do that. If you turn this way, it's a poss. It's the potent. The potential situations that could happen that you don't want to happen. Right. And so you're literally just like, stay here and just keep. Every day, I mean, you're on autopilot, you know, and your brain, like, scientifically, they tell you your brain and some parts of it, like, shut down, you know, or just, you know, put a lock and key on it, and it doesn't let you know, your brain doesn't let that part function. And so, yeah, I think when. Because I've heard the same thing, and I think part of it coming from a younger person or someone who's a subordinate. So maybe someone that you're in charge of is because there's not as much fear and there's not as much at stake, or there's not, like, the potential for that person that there's not. There's not a bigger risk of, like, repercussions coming from that person. And so it's almost like you're safer listening to someone. It's kind of like sometimes the things children say, you're just like, oh, yeah. You know, because it's coming from us. Like, kind of like a place of innocence, and it's coming from a place where they're not trying to attack you, and especially not just in the military, but in society. I mean, when you talk about sexual trauma and you talk about it being done by a leader or by someone that's in charge of you, and then even if it's not the person that's in charge of you, there are people who are in charge of you who make decisions based on your situation, and they just hold. And, I mean, look at what happened to the naval account, right? They just hold so much power in their hands that it's terrifying. So you're not even. You're. I mean, you have those glasses on. You're not even going to look one way or another. But when you do have someone who's younger or maybe not as experienced or maybe even lower ranking, if you're talking military, someone who you don't have fear of position or fear of authority or power, I think it lets that door open just a little bit. And if they say the right thing or if they make the right point, you know, it does. It just kind of kicks that door wide open, you know, off its hinges, and you got to take it in, and, you know, it's hard. [00:31:57] Speaker A: Yeah. And it's like. It's. Whether you're ready for it or not. [00:32:00] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. [00:32:02] Speaker A: This is now in your focus. Like, those blinders have been just ripped off. Yes, I understand. Yeah. It's very hard to get to that point because then you're like, oh, boy, it all comes flooding in. What did you use to try and start healing? Was it going through therapy or I religion or anything like that? [00:32:30] Speaker B: So that situation was in, like, 2012, and then on my second deployment, I was not mentally ready to go on that second deployment. I mean, this was just a few months after I got back to Hawaii from Rhode island, and I just was not in the place, and I couldn't tell anybody what I was going through and what had really happened, right? And that was the second time. I mean, I was. And I've talked about this in a speech before, but I would look at the water and I would say, okay, if I jump out far enough, then I can just drown or float around till the sharks come take me. Or if I jump close enough to the ship and we're going fast enough, then the rudders can take me. And that's what I was thinking every night for a couple months. And the only thing stopping me was my brothers. And then, you know, my brother still leave me, you know, I. And that's it. That's the only thing. How would they feel, you know, and there's stuff that they still going to struggle with that I wouldn't be there for them, and I can't if I'm not there. And, you know, going through those appointments and, you know, I made it through my last appointment was a great deployment. It was the longest one, but I was mentally prepared for it. I was ready. I told myself, the next year of my life is going to revolve around this ship, you know, this deployment. But I think I just to get through it, I mean, it wasn't until I was 2012, when the naval category slip happened. It wasn't until, I think, 2016, maybe 2017, where I actually started getting help. I mean, I had a. No medication, no therapy, nothing like one. I didn't have time, because if I'm going with all these doctor's appointments, how am I going to be the number one sailor? A huge, huge advocate for self care, not just because I'm a social worker and it's in our code of ethics, but because you do have to take care of yourself, you know? And going through my marriage, my very short marriage, I was. Had some miscarriages, and then, you know, I was pregnant with my son, and, you know, I was teaching. I was. At that time, I was shore duty, so I left Hawaii, successful tour, came to Goodfellow Air Force Base. But I was teaching, like, multiple classes a day, a day class, and a night class. And I'm pregnant. I'm throwing up in the classroom and, like, I mean, taking care of my little brother. And at that time, one of my nieces had been placed with me, but nothing in custody, just, like. Just with me temporarily. So I had three kids at that time, and it was just a lot, you know, going through a divorce, and I didn't really have family down here to support me. And I experienced burnout, like, I legitimately experienced burnout, and I had to go get help for about a month. And I tell people, you know, basically I ran myself into the ground. And it really wasn't just myself. You know, if you imagine a plow just, like, going through the field, you know, going through the dirt, it wasn't just me pushing that. It was the Navy, it was my leadership, it was my peers, it was my family, you know, it was the kids that depended on me. It was my doctors who, I had a very high risk pregnancy, so they were really concerned about a lot of things. And I was just done, you know, I just couldn't. I was exhausted, and I'm glad I went and got that help, I think. I mean, it did learn. I did learn a lot of, for those of you out there, if you do like to read, a lot of people don't know about EA. There's na and aa, which a lot of people are familiar with, alcohol and narcotics anonymous, but there's something called EA, emotions anonymous. And it's a twelve step program that you basically work through your emotions and learning about that program and just kind of working through some things, but taking that time to stop everything around me and focus on myself is what it took. The problem is, if you are someone that cares for others, if you are someone like a social worker, if you are in a profession, or if you are an advocate or you are fighting for others, there's not all that time to stop and take care of yourself. And that's very hard, but you have to do it. It wasn't until then in 2018. [00:36:56] Speaker A: Where. [00:36:56] Speaker B: I really stopped to focus on myself, started counseling, and really started to work through some things. And here we are over ten years later, just from the naval Academy experience, and there's still things I'm working on and I've had trauma since then, but there's still things that I'm working on to be the best me, to be the best mom that I can be the best person and the best advocate and social worker as well. Give others that platform to be able to live their best life. [00:37:30] Speaker A: Was there maybe a certain coping skill or something that was your go to if you started to feel kind of riled up like that again? [00:37:40] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm a really fast typer. When they told me, no, you have to write it with a piece of paper. And I'm like, yeah, I'll just type it and print it out. No, no, no, you have to write with a pencil your feelings or, you know, your emotions or your thought process. That's when. Cause I, in one of my, one of the situations I experienced in the navy, I actually have a hand injury from it. And I can only write so long before my hand starts hurting. And so I didn't want to write anyways, but I was used. I was like, man, I was trying everything I could to not write. And I don't know what it was, but to why I was being that way, because I'm probably super, I know I'm super stubborn sometimes, but I had to write. I had to write what I was feeling or thinking. And there are such things called written therapy. And when you're writing, you write much slower, which requires your brain and your emotions, your central nervous system. It requires everything to slow down and to focus on what you're saying and you're actually working through those emotions and feeling those emotions. Whereas when you're typing, you're just right. But if you have to stop and write it. And the first time I did that was about my naval academy experience. And there's things that I recognize, like, oh, like, this is why I always feel like, you know, I'm not good enough or I'm the problem. And, you know, just going through that experience, that coping skill of writing out your emotions and things, journaling, basically, I realized, wow, that's it. Or, like, that's something that will force me to sit down and focus and be present and be in that moment. I always tell people my coping skill is taking a nap. I'm like, in my thirties and I still take a nap, right? I'm still like, my son needs a nap, and at some point he's going to be old enough. No, mom, I'm not the one that needs a nap. You do. But I always, like, he's five, so I can only blame it on him for so much longer when I'm like, oh, we need to, need to go lay him down, you know? But, you know, written therapy is good for me. But also, I do, like, guided meditation and audiobooks. I tell people all the time to listen to audiobooks because. Or podcast, of course. Because if you, when you're watching a movie, you're visualizing everything, right? Like, you're able to see when you're reading a book. Yes. You have to kind of use that same reading a book. You're visualizing on your own, but that makes you stop and sit still. And people always say, or not always, but a lot of people say, they don't have time to sit still and read their book. Right. Read a book. But if you're listening to an audiobook experiences. On my third deployment, I listen to the Hunger Games and then Divergent series. I listen to some, you know, some books that I never thought I'd read, but you have to imagine. So it literally puts your brain on pause and all the other stuff circling around in your brain and you have to stop. And you're visualizing. Here comes Katniss running with her backpack. And especially if you've never seen the movie, like, you're creating your own picture of that and it's not hard to do that, but it's. You're doing it. Right. And so because you're focused on that, it gives your brain a break from everything else that you're thinking about. And so I'm a huge advocate for podcasts and for audiobooks because you can still fold your laundry and listen to Katniss saving the world. Right. And so, you know, like, that's. You can't use the excuse if I don't have time, right. You can listen to an audiobook while you're doing the dishes, while you're driving or podcasts and use that visualization kind of like guided meditation. [00:41:28] Speaker A: Yeah. They're very powerful. [00:41:30] Speaker B: And I. [00:41:32] Speaker A: With writing, you actually came up with a journal of your own? [00:41:36] Speaker B: Yes. Yes. I have a copy here, actually. That's my son when he was a baby. Baby. I just realized how adorable. He's five now, five going on 60. He's an old soul. But this is a journal that I had developed and it's a twelve week empowerment journal and I've done it myself. Of course, I did it before I published it, but I did self publish it because I wanted to see what that experience was like. And it's called warriors paths to healing. And so what I'm doing is actually making a series. And this is the first book and the second is a heart cover. So every cover will have a heart but a different design. The second book is for anyone who's experienced interpersonal violence, but this one is for women veterans who have experienced trauma. And so it's a twelve week empowerment journal for women veterans. Now you hear gratitude journal a lot, but I chose empowerment journal because it starts out asking some pretty simple questions like, you know, what. What values do you think made you join the military? But then it gets into some very deep questions. So by week twelve, the questions that you're, you know, the prompts that you're answering require some digging. That, you know, digging deep down in the gut and soul, and there's affirmations with them and there's reflections, but it's a part, it's a progression. Right. And I tell people, if it takes you twelve days, which I think would be a little fast, but if it takes you twelve weeks or twelve months to finish this, that's okay. Like, I want you to work at your own pace. That's why I kind of developed it the way that I did. Yeah. It's for women veterans who've experienced trauma, and it does provide some self care tips in there as well, some different things that you can do. But each week has three different prompts, so you'll see prompts where you can respond to those questions and then an affirmation that has to go with that, those prompts, that set of prompts, and then reflection. So what are you proud of? What are you grateful for? Success from this week? You're gonna be getting one for free. You'll be expecting one in the mail soon. And anyone. Yeah, of course. And anyone that orders one and mentions your podcast, we'll be getting an extra little treat in their order as well. So you heard it here, folks. Yes. It's available online and on Amazon, so. On Amazon and on my website. [00:44:09] Speaker A: That is wonderful. Yeah, it's. Writing is. Is so. It's, like, almost magical to me. I've been journaling probably since I was in fifth grade. I think I've always liked writing, even when I was little and just learning how to read. My dad would give me those big yellow notepads and I would just scribble away. But it was when I did actually start journaling with intention rather than just writing down what was going on in life at that time. It was wild how quickly, like, I became more insightful and things were, like, put into perspective so much faster than if maybe I was just, you know, oh, well, today, you know, Bobby and I went and got ice cream and. [00:45:05] Speaker B: Right, right, but you're putting, hey, I experience this emotion, and maybe this is what. Why and. [00:45:10] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. When you actually do take that time to dig through it and get to the root. I think a lot of the things that I did work with initially was inner child stuff, because although growing up in the military was a great experience, it was rather difficult to really have, like, a sense of self because, you know, childhood, your sense of self or your identity is built through your environment, your family, and consistency. And military kids don't really have that. We don't have the. We have consistency for, I'd say, like, when you move to a new place, you take that first year to get settled. The second year, things kind of get to a normal, and then, like, that third or fourth year, you're preparing to leave. [00:46:06] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:46:07] Speaker A: So being able to do the visualization of, like, I had a picture of myself from, like, elementary school, and it was just, like, writing letters to her saying, okay, I'm sorry that you didn't get this need met at this age, but this is how I'm trying to meet it now and trying to, um, just validate those. Those needs and concerns that I had when I was little. Like, even now, I I'm sure it annoys the crap out of people, but, like, I bring games with me everywhere. I love to play games because I loved that when I was a kid, but I didn't really, um, we didn't really have, like, game nights or things like that established because somebody was deployed or somebody had to, like, run around getting something else done. And even my first date with my boyfriend now, I brought a game, and he was like, this is the weirdest. [00:47:11] Speaker B: And you're like, sit down. Do you want to be the car or do you want to be the thumbtack? [00:47:16] Speaker A: But the interesting thing was, is that there was two young women sitting next to us, and they were having a mom's night out, and they were so curious about this game we were playing that they joined in, and it made, like, the first date jitters and all of that just go away. It was. It was actually a very, very fun time, but, yeah, that all stemmed from learning about my inner child through writing. So it's super important. I think that is probably one of the strongest coping skills there is. And even if you, even if you hate writing, just give yourself a time limit of, like, okay, I'm gonna do it for 60 seconds or 30 seconds and then just kind of ramp it up. But it's. It's so powerful, and I love that a journal came out of this. How long did it take you to develop it? [00:48:10] Speaker B: Yeah, it took about. It took about three months to do to, between developing it and going through it myself, because I already knew the answer, you know, I already knew the questions. And so it was interesting, though, to say, okay, when I wrote the question, because I went through it twice. And so I guess if you count that, it'd be about four months, because I wrote the questions. And I had this idea of how, you know, the intent of why I asked this question and what I was hoping to draw out of that person. When they were answering the question. But then when I went back and did it the first time as a, you know, a reader, as someone observing, I was like, oh, well, it made me think of this. And so I, you know, would adapt the questions just a tiny, tiny bit. And then again, the second time I went through, and I was like, oh, you know, kind of like when they say if you read a book again, excuse me, you're going to, you know, recognize you missed something or, you know, you didn't catch something. And so I did it. You know, of course I had my drafts and edits, but actually working through the book from start to finish, going through that twice, I just recognized some. Some small things. And I think you, you know, writing can be so powerful. And, you know, when I talk about the written therapy that I did, it was 1 hour a week for six weeks. And that, I mean, I just learned so much. And when you look at it from a different perspective, as far as time goes, if you write in a journal 1 hour a week, that is, what, 50. Let's not count holiday weeks. Cause they're busy. But that's what, 50 weeks, 50 weeks out of the year that you're writing, and that's 50 hours, right? So that's a little over two days of self care. Two days of self care out of 365, right. Like, when you put in that perspective, and this is a twelve week journal, that's 12 hours for you to take care of yourself if you were to do an hour at a time. So I do want to make it, you know, realistic and feasible. I know people are busy. I, you know, I'm considering adding, making an app so people can have it on their phone. But I think it's very important to have the written version because, again, like you're talking about, it does create some new insight that you may not have seen otherwise. [00:50:23] Speaker A: Yeah, definitely. And even if writing isn't your forte, maybe painting it out or dancing it out, something like that. But there are so many healthy ways to work through trauma, and you just gotta find out what they are and what vibes with your personality. Because I know before I was well enough to move forward in healthy coping skills, I was drinking. I was like, I just wouldn't leave my apartment, basically, but it was just mindless. Like Netflix and overeating or not eating enough. I would challenge people to say, like, you don't realize how much time you spend mindlessly scrolling on your phone until you delete whatever app you spend the most time on, and voila, you have self care time. [00:51:23] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. I told someone that was looking for a job, and I'm like, well, what do you. They, on their phone, their home screen, there was Facebook, and there was like Google calendar and something else, their email. I said, well, how about you take Facebook off your home screen and instead you put LinkedIn or you put indie job search? And so they did that. And two weeks later, not that this is like, what helped them get the job, but like, it showed on their phone how much less time they spent on Facebook, you know, and it was like 4 hours in that one week. And I'm like, okay, that's 4 hours. And then it showed about 3 hours that they spent on indeed, or I think it was on d that they used, but it was like, do you see where you're contributing your focus and your time, you know, and so, like, you have to be able to recognize or, you know, there's free clock, like time time. What do they call it? Like time clock, like, like time trackers. There's, you know, and you can just click what I'm working on, you know, and you'll see, like, oh, shoot. You know, if you click how much time you spend on your phone or playing solitaire or whatever candy crush, whatever they got now, you'll recognize you need to step away from that in a way that is self care, but in a way that's also harmful. It can be very, very harmful. And so take time to step away and have that direct focus on what you're doing to take care of yourself. And writing kind of requires that, right? Like, you need to have a quiet space. For me, this journal is hopefully a safe space. You know, the other one being for women who've experienced branch of personal violence or anyone who's experienced it. This is the second one here. For anyone that's experienced interpersonal violence, I want it to be a safe space. Right? I want it to be something they can write. And, you know, if they have to hide it, unfortunately they can. Or now they've recently escaped their interpersonal violence situation, they're able to, you know, use it, but it's their safe space. You're not getting graded. It's not an app where you score points or you have to watch an ad to go to the next page, right? Like, it is your safe space. What you write in it is what you write in it. There's no right and wrong, how fast or slow you progress through it. It's not even a speed, it's your progression, right? And it's nothing normal to progress through it the way you are doing it, because that's. That's you, right. There is no normal when it comes to recovery or when it comes to coping. There's healthy, but there's not necessarily normal. Right. So, yeah, hopefully my journal can offer that. But writing. Yeah. Can have such a huge, huge impact on providing insight and perspective and give yourself some grace. You know, when you're writing and you reread it, you're like, man, that one situation or that one piece of the situation had been bothering me for ten years. Like, now, when you can feel yourself let that go, I mean, you're literally shutting off the weight of carrying that, and you're doing that, like, letting it out, you know, and writing allows you to really do that, I think, effectively. So. [00:54:35] Speaker A: That's so true. How would you suggest that maybe a family member, whether it's a spouse or brother, sister or a best friend, how would you suggest they best support somebody that's been through an assault or harassment to that level where it's affected them deeply, but they. Maybe they haven't had that come to Jesus moment, or they haven't had that statement where somebody blew their mind and ripped off those blinders. How would you best support them if they're, like, not there yet? [00:55:13] Speaker B: Right. Well, the first thing I would say is not to try to solve the problem for them. Okay. Because it's not a problem you can solve. It's not something you can throw an app at. It's not something you can go to an event and fix. It's not something you can just give a pill, you know, some medication to fix. It's nothing. Going grocery shopping. I mean, it's not a one and done thing. It's not a problem you can solve. It's a journey that you're working through. And the first thing that I think family members, peers, colleagues can do to support a person if they don't know, but maybe they're assuming or they're having an idea. Like, I think something may have happened is know that it's a journey, and it's not your journey, it's theirs. I. And being beside them, meeting them where they're at, and that's a very social worker thing to say, is meet someone where they're at. But to give you a quick perspective, a quick scenario is I've been in car accidents, and I have, like, totaled a car. I've been in. Where my car's been totaled because of someone else's fault. Right? Like, I've been in car accidents, and I'm like, oh, here we go. Call the insurance. You know, just kind of walk through the process, like, well, my friend Kim, a couple years ago, she got into a fender bender, and she was out of red light, and she got rear ended by someone who was texting and driving, and her kid was in the car. And this was before I had my own child. And her five, I think she was six at the time, was in the car with her, and she had groceries in the car, and you don't see it coming from behind you. Right. So that adds another fear. But it was a fender vendor. I think they ended up totaling it because it messed up the frame a little bit. But, I mean, the car kind of could have possibly been driven home. It wasn't. The car wasn't completely demolished, I should say. Right? And so we'll call it a fender vendor. However, I knew she was supposed to be home, and she wasn't home yet. And so I drove the route she was supposed to go, and she calls me as I'm driving that route, and she's like, I gotta go in a car accident. I got, like, they brought me to the house. Oh, my gosh. Okay. I'm on my way over there, and I go, and I open the door, and I'm gonna tear up. But she just, like, collapsed. I mean, she just starts crying, and she just collapsed. And she was just so scared. And I'm like, Kim, it's okay. Like, tell me what you need. And she just. She could not communicate, like, what she needed or how or why or, you know, I go in, and there's groceries everywhere. The person that took her home was nice enough to, like, take her groceries, which was. I mean. Cause it was a car full of groceries, but they're all over the counter, all over the couch. I'm just like, okay. You know? And I'm like, Emma. Emma. Where's Emma? Is she okay? And Emma was fine. You know, she got a sticker from the cops, and she thought she was cool. She was super excited about that, and. Is everything okay? What's going on? You know, Emma's fine, but Kim was just so flustered, and I just immediately went into, okay, I'm gonna put the groceries away. Kim, you need to call your insurance company. Well, I don't know who to call. I mean, like, I had to, like, kind of calm down, you know? And I had to, like, step walk her through the process. And I tell that story because it one, it was terrifying for her to have her kid, and I cannot compare at that time, I did not have a kid, right. But her kid was fine. And so I explained to people, me going through this, I mean, rolled a car, car accident in the middle of nowhere, Oklahoma, trying to get home for Christmas. Like, horrible car accident. And, you know, I'm physically I'm fine. Like, oh, that sucks, you know, and I'm kind of walking through the. Whatever. A fender bender for someone else, like, was extremely traumatic, and that person was struggling to even know who to call. Right. I mean, what to do or who to call, anything. And so I use that as a story to explain how trauma is. You can't compare trauma. And I never say just, well, it was just sexual harassment, right. Or, well, an actual sexual assault happened. Like, trauma is trauma. And I don't care if you were touched inappropriately or if you face years of sexual abuse from someone maybe close to you. I do care about that. What I'm saying I don't care is the difference, because there really isn't a difference. And how it impacts you is how it impacts you. And so how a family member can support is recognize that. You may not see, like, you may feel like, come on, it was just a fender bender, right? It wasn't that big of a deal. That's not your place to decide that. And if it takes this person longer than what you think it should take, that's your problem. You need to deal with. That's not theirs. Right. Right. This is their journey, and this is their experience, and they need to work through this, because you're also enabling them to do unhealthy coping mechanisms. You're enabling them to not face those emotions. So my recommendation for people, family members, peers, is to just sit down beside them, and it's okay to sit in silence. And if that's uncomfortable, to sit in silence, then don't. That's where you need to be, because otherwise you're just going to be talking just to avoid discomfort and you're not helping them. So just sit there, just be present. Put your phone down, get off the candy crush, right. And just sit there and be present with that person and just tell them, like, I don't really understand what you're going through. Maybe you do understand, or maybe you at least understand grief or fear or some of the emotions that come with trauma. And you can say that, but what do you need from me? And if that person says, I don't know, because they truly may not know, then you say, that's okay. May I sit with you and just sit with them? And if you want to make it a regular thing. Say, do you mind if I come back again and sit with you some other time? Sure. Because there's no expectations, there's no standard, there's no regimen. There's no fear. There's no demand for them to host you, you know, or for them to entertain you. You're literally just sitting beside. And if, think about that. Think about the last time you just sat beside someone in silence and we're there for them. And a lot of people can't, there's times people can't remember the last time they did that or they had someone do that for them. I think that would be my recommendation for people. [01:01:40] Speaker A: It's so important because it probably is. I would say probably every survivor of the situation is they're confronted with this thought of nobody will understand. So, yeah. Just having somebody who clearly doesn't just make an effort that is validating on so many levels and so, so important. [01:02:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:02:10] Speaker A: Thank you for that. And I love to hear ways that people can support because it's such a nebulous thing. Like people don't want to acknowledge that other people are capable of, you know, creating that kind of harm, and then they don't want to think, well, this happened to someone that I love or it's very important to me, and then they have to deal with their own feelings of anger and loss and regret and what ifs. So, yeah, just sitting there in silence where you're both kind of just internally processing things, that's, yeah, that's totally fine. [01:02:54] Speaker B: I think. Otherwise, if you're, if you're not, you mean you're at risk for minimizing what happened to them and you don't want to take that risk because you're minimizing it for them or you're minimizing for you. But either way, that's not, that's not healthy. Right. And so, you know, again, sitting there can be all that person might need. [01:03:15] Speaker A: Absolutely. I want to ask, when you see maybe the headlines, like, for example, what happened in 2020 with Vanessa Guillen or any of the previous ones that were bad enough to make headlines, how do you feel when you see that Joe Biden has tried to move forward with that executive order and then there's like a handful of senators over the last 1020 years that have been trying to make change and they kept running into roadblocks this whole time? Do you think that this is a step in the right direction of removing the commanders and bringing in a different team? [01:04:05] Speaker B: Yeah, I do. I mean, I think the prevention plan of action, the new, you know, integrated prevention policy being social work. Evidence based work is something that's very important. Social work using evidence based practices, things that have been proven to work. That's what we need to be using. And some people want to talk about the cost and the money. Okay, well, think about the money that goes into the response. Right. We need to stop responding and we need to start preventing. And, you know, I would always say when people would argue, like, well, it takes away power from the commanders. And I'm like, well, if they can handle sexual assault cases, why aren't they handling divorce and custody cases? And people kind of just like, look at me and I'm, you know, and I'm kind of, I'll be pretty blunt. Like, I get pretty, you know, I'm an advocate, so I'll say, I'll pretty much say whatever I hopefully say, say a sentence and make you kind of not be quiet, but make you think about it. And people like, oh, well, no, okay, well, I don't understand how someone can handle, be equipped to handle sexual assault cases, but they're not equipped to handle divorce cases, you know, especially with a high rate of divorces in the military. So it's not like, you know, and they, and I know divorce is civil and not criminal. I get that. However. Like, it's about the emotions that come with that. It's about the reasoning, it's about the justification. It's about the whirlwind of, you know, trauma that can be involved, just so many different things. Like, I think it is a step in the right direction. Do I think it's going to be complicated and it's going to take some time and, yeah, 100%. But I do think it's a step in the right direction. Otherwise, I mean, we already have data there. People don't report because they know it's going to go to their commander. Right. And that's one of the reasons there's already data there. So now that we've have data or that we've had data, let's start making right decisions based on that data. And that's what I feel like that decision was. It's not a hit on commanders saying they can't do their job. But I'm sorry, but as a commander, your job isn't to manage and decide sexual assault cases. Your job is to succeed in the military mission. Right. And when the Vanessa Guillen situation, I say the situation when Vanessa Guillen died, I mean, again, in west Texas, it's right up the road from me and I'm involved in the local community out here in town, and people were just flabbergasted and like, oh. And I kind of just shrugged my shoulders. I'm like, yeah, I. And they were like, they thought it was like a one in a million. And I'm like, no. And people have died since her. But like you said, not all of them make that push, push through and make the headlines, like, you know, her family was able to do. I'm just like, I'm not surprised. I am not surprised. And for. People were frustrated with me saying that, you know, they kind of felt attacked, and I'm just. But I'm not surprised. You know, I'm not. And I said, just wait a couple months. Someone else is going to die. And sure enough, it happened, you know what I mean? And it's just. And that's just the ones we hear about. So, yeah, I think it is a step in the right direction. [01:07:20] Speaker A: So how do you think that communities around military bases or maybe just around the survivor themselves, how can they support, and I guess, raise awareness about this since the general public, they really aren't informed about what's going on in the military, like, behind the wire. They really don't know that. That's. I think the statistic back in 2014 was, it's every 30 minutes there's a case of sexual assault. [01:07:52] Speaker B: I think. I mean, the data is there. I would say the information is there, but I feel like there's a lot of information that's missing, a lot of numbers that we still need. But, I mean, we're very. It's been a very response approach, not a prevention approach. That's where I think we're moving in the right direction is preventing it. But a lot of the documents, a lot of the resources and tools are all public. So, I mean, you can google these reports and read them and read these numbers, you know, and you'll get the news that we'll hear about it for a couple of, you know, maybe they'll mention it in a couple of their segments and that's it. But the reports are out there, so the general public can read them. You know, they can see it's not about what you're, you know, just what you see on the news. Go read the report yourself if they're out there. So. Yeah. Hey, Dom. [01:08:44] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm working on our YouTube channel is finding these reports and then making videos about them so people can at least get these, like, I guess, more easily digestible sources of information. But it is important to learn about this stuff because it's really been swept under the rug very well until just recently. So it's doing things like this podcast or victim advocacy that's going to really open people's eyes to this. And I would say my final question for you is, what organizations or people would you like to give a shout out that may have helped you in your journey to healing or continuous journey to healing? [01:09:36] Speaker B: Yes. So a couple. One is glass soldier. Doctor Poe with glass Soldier. She's also a social worker, also a survivor of trauma and an army veteran. I, and she faced retaliation and institutional betrayal. Her and I actually speak at a couple conferences together in some trainings, but glass Soldier is one of those organizations. She shares her story, but she, I mean, she's telling you effective ways to be able to prevent it from happening again. Prevention is the direction we need to move in. So if you are, if you are, if you can, I'll send you some links. But glass soldier, I mean, doctor Poe is an incredible advocate. She was travel. She's international now. She's gone to Korea and other military bases. So please reach out to her. She'll come and speak at any military base and provide training. She has a great program. So, I mean, just, she is, she's an advocate and an ally. Another is psych. Armor Doctor Tina Atherell is one of my mentors and my social work kind of supervisor. She's the person I bounce ideas off of. But they provide training, and they provide a lot of different training for military families, veterans, really, organizations or companies that work with veterans or military, and the spouses, I think that they provide a great understanding of the military culture and different things. So she's helped me develop to be a strong social worker and build my skills there. But also, again, it's just, they work with the VA now. Just a great organization that can provide training, accessible training to anybody as an individual or an organization. So those are the two that I would highly recommend. A big thing with me developing nonprofits is I have high standard when it comes to nonprofits that I'll recommend. And there are some other nonprofits that serve veterans, like reunite the fight. They bring veterans that deploy together and to go do, like, retreat, which can be so, so amazing for your mental health. And there's a lot of veteran organizations that are out there that fill those gaps. But really, those two, for me, especially Doctor Poe with Glass Soldier, you know, being both social workers, being veterans, having children, I mean, we both went through a time where we were struggling financially. You know, we have our personal things that we can connect with. She's just such a genuine person. And even though it's trauma technically, that kind of brought us together, there's those, you know, those few people. I think we all have a lot of acquaintances. Like, I think everyone's always kind of said that you have a lot of acquaintances, but who do you have as friends in the military? Like, you talked about being a military child. In the military, it's easy to be isolated. You can be surrounded by thousands and thousands of people and feel so isolated. And in the veteran community, that doesn't change. I think, in the veteran community, I mean, I'm in West Texas. I'm in Texas. We have plenty of veterans here, you know, but I can still feel that you can still feel isolated. And those two organizations, I think, work hard to prevent that isolation. You can't operate in silos. I say you can operate in isolation. So please reach out, and if there's anything, if anyone's listening that has any questions on those organizations or has other need to get help with anything. Mental health. Maybe you're not a veteran, but maybe you know one or you're not a service member, but you're a family member of one or you are a service member, you know, when you're still in and you don't know what the rules are. I don't need to know your whole story to get you to the right person. And so, you know, you can always reach out to me as well. I'm happy to connect you with. I'm very big on direct resources. I don't like making people jump around and call 16 different places. Right. So I'm very big on resources. So you can call me and I will answer. I'll, you know, make sure my information is provided and I can get you kind of just the help that you need. [01:13:45] Speaker A: That's wonderful. And I'll put all of that in the show notes. That one big thing that I want to accomplish with the podcast is just getting people resources. Because when you're just in a frenzy in your head and you're trying to google and write down all these phone numbers and then you lose track of who you called and where you left a voicemail and all of that, I'm just like, no, we're going to make a nice, tidy spreadsheet. And, yeah, I just want to say a huge thank you to you for coming on and sharing your story, and thank you for providing this resource in the form of that journal that I will definitely have in the show notes so that people can get a copy and, you know, either start their journey or boost it because it's so important to do that reflection. [01:14:35] Speaker B: Thank you. Well, thank you for having me. And thank you for what you're doing. Make sure you're taking care of yourself. You know, I know that listening to other stories can be hard sometimes, so please, you know, take care of yourself. And, but thank you for allowing me to, for creating this platform and allowing me to share a little bit about my story and help others. [01:15:02] Speaker A: Remember our voices are weapons in the fight against MST. Stay connected, share your story, and join our fight to end military sexual trauma for good. Until next time. Time. Thanks for listening to the silenced voices of msthenne.