Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hey there. Welcome to another episode of the Silenced Voices of nst. I'm Rachelle Smith, your host. This episode features Lakedra Houston, Air Force veteran. She's a huge advocate and so involved in improving the lives of survivors. Huge honor to speak with her. We do have some really cool stuff coming up for the podcast and its community. Stick around to the end. If you are doing your VA disability claim, I have a brand new resource and toolkit that you're not going to.
[00:00:27] Speaker B: Want to pass up.
[00:00:28] Speaker A: Here's Lakedra. There's a trigger warning here for the next section from about a minute, 5.
[00:00:33] Speaker B: To 11 minutes, 29 seconds.
[00:00:35] Speaker A: For a full episode summary and description of these triggers, please visit our blog.
[00:00:41] Speaker C: Thank you so much for having me. So I'm very excited. Thank you so much for even just having this platform where we can share our stories and empower others. So, I mean, where do we begin?
I'm excited.
[00:00:53] Speaker B: Yeah, I just trying to connect and make sure people out there know they're not alone because that's probably the, the biggest part of this struggle is feeling like you are by yourself on an island that no one else has ever heard of. But definitely we're out here. But let's start with how you got to the Air Force.
[00:01:12] Speaker C: So I'm gonna be honest. When I saw the recruiter at my high school, I was like, I would never join the military. That's a man's career. I really didn't want to join. I actually join after I went to college for about a semester and I was doing, I was playing volleyball to get away from some things that happened. Trauma and volleyball was my safe place. And so once I, you know, did bad and stuff, I was like, okay, I need to do something with my life. Before I joined, I was experimenting with drugs and things like that because of a sexual assault happened when I was younger. I was like, okay, the thing that helped me, you know, you know, isn't no longer here. Going to the military was my way to, you know, start over and feel like I had a purpose in life. Went to the recruiter's office and recruiters can sell you dreams. Oh, yeah.
[00:02:05] Speaker B: Did they offer you a charger?
[00:02:08] Speaker C: Hey, they offered me a lot. They offered me that I was going to be a doctor. And so I was like, oh, I can be a doctor. I can be a physical therapist. I signed up and I was, I wanted to go to school. That was another reason why I joined. And other things was the beginning of starting over for me. It wasn't like everybody else. Server country it was more of to get away and to do something different.
[00:02:30] Speaker B: Yeah, you'd be surprised how common that is. I. We've heard that in several episodes where our guest has had prior trauma and it was similar trauma, and this was a way to get order and a. A new life. But how was it the process of. Was it MEPs and then all that good stuff? What was that like for you?
[00:02:52] Speaker C: I went in, I asvab, and thank goodness I passed it. Not as high as I wanted, but I went through MEPs and they asked me a lot of questions. I was like, am I really ready for this? Because they were like, once you sign up, you're not. You can't turn away. I'm like, what? I can't. I can't. Going to MEPs, it was meeting other people who wanted to join. I actually met some pretty good friends that I still talk to now. But that process was stressful. After I was done, I went back to my recruiter and he looked at the jobs that I qualify for, and he was like, oh, you can be physical therapist. I was like, okay, awesome. I would love to have that job. Not knowing that I signed for a open general contract, meaning I can get anything in the general area. That messed me up because I didn't know. I didn't know what that was. It was different. When I left for basics, I was like, I'm going to be a physical therapist. I told all my family and friends what's so interesting, I want to share this part is 9, 11 happened when I was in delayed entry program. That's how I dropped the ball on my family and friends that I was going to the military. Military. I was like, oh, my God, I'm gonna die. Guess what? I'm going to the Air Force. And I leave January 8th. And they're like, what?
[00:03:56] Speaker B: Wow, that's so soon afterward. My goodness.
[00:04:00] Speaker C: Yes. That's how it started. That was part of my career.
[00:04:04] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:04] Speaker C: What.
[00:04:05] Speaker B: What was it like seeing that on tv? Did your heart just sink? Like, oh, my God, what did I just do?
[00:04:10] Speaker C: I was there with my grandparents. They basically raised me, and I was there with them, and they're like crying. Everybody's freaking out, like, what's going on here? We had never seen this before. We have terrorists in our area. It was so. I think we all cry. I felt like America sat still in that moment. It was very scary. But then in the back of my head, it was something in me that was like, you need to go. You can't stay here. You have to be a Part of the solution. That's when I knew that going off to basic, regardless of what happens, that I will be part of the solutions.
[00:04:42] Speaker B: I went ahead and that is a big old decision to make. How old were you? Maybe like 19? 20?
[00:04:49] Speaker C: 19? Yeah, I was 19. Just turned 19. Yeah.
[00:04:52] Speaker B: That is incredible, though, to have that kind of gumption like, like so young when you experience a. A worldwide trauma like that and to not react in fear, like, watch out for you. Oh, my goodness. That is incredible.
What a time. Yeah. Just everything changed after that.
[00:05:13] Speaker C: It did, but I was ready for you. That's how basic. I was on a buddy program and one of the girls, she didn't show up to basics. I was like, okay, well, I guess this is gonna happen. So basic training, getting off the bus and getting yelled at was the. Was the craziest thing. Actually. We flew from Dallas to San Antonio. That's my first time flying. It's like a probably 45 minute flight. I was shaking the whole time because I never flew before. Then you have an instructor telling you like, hey, get ready. You're going to get out. I need you to grab your things. Just getting you ready and going to that bus. Oh, my goodness. I was freaking out. I was like, I want to turn around and go back on the plane. It was so much because you're not used to people yelling at you and telling you formations. It was a huge culture shock then getting to basic training and being around all these different women from all walks of life, women who've never seen a black woman in person, like, it was the most interesting thing. And just touching my skin, like, is that. Do you feel different from me? It was, it was so weird. But it was amazing to meet all these women from different parts of life and just for us to grow and become like one team, it was, it was very interesting.
[00:06:27] Speaker B: For those that don't know, could you explain what the buddy program was?
[00:06:31] Speaker C: So the buddy program is that you can enlist in the military with another person and you're supposed to be guaranteed a job. I think that's why I didn't get the physical therapist job, because she dropped out. So when she left, it messed up my contract and.
[00:06:47] Speaker B: Right.
[00:06:48] Speaker C: You just.
[00:06:50] Speaker B: Right. I was gonna say, you go to the first duty station together. Yeah.
[00:06:54] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:06:55] Speaker B: That's a bummer. But, hey, you persevered. How was everything after that? I mean, going to that graduation ceremony at Lackland is a huge deal, so.
[00:07:05] Speaker C: I didn't think I was gonna make it. So when you get into trouble, your.
Your instructor would take a. It's called 341. Basically a little hard. Yeah, they. Yeah, they take. And for disciplinary actions, I think I got one pull probably every week. I was a goofball. When the instructor yelled at somebody, I just couldn't stop laughing. I didn't know how to march. My arms and legs would swing the same way. He's like, I need you to practice. I was so embarrassing. I didn't think I was going to make it, but I'm happy. He sat down and talked to me and was like, you have something inside you that was going to take you far. I need you to pick it up. That motivated me. Like, our instructor was very motivating. He did.
Learning from him and then learning that I could do it, I just. I just did it. I graduated. Family came down. I cried like a baby.
[00:07:50] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:07:50] Speaker C: Yeah. It was so emotional. And then my sister was there, the one. I'll tell you about her later, but she passed away a little bit after.
[00:07:59] Speaker B: I'm so sorry. Goodness. Yeah.
[00:08:01] Speaker C: But having her there and she was deaf. She was very proud of me. She was signing. We were signing, and it was so good. And just the food and everything. You could finally eat something. It was just amazing. It was amazing. Like, I loved it, and I felt like I was a big girl now, so. Yeah.
[00:08:16] Speaker B: Yeah. And you get to walk around the riverwalk and everything.
[00:08:19] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:08:20] Speaker B: You're like pressed blues on and.
[00:08:22] Speaker C: Yeah. Confidence. It was a confidence about me.
[00:08:25] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:26] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:08:27] Speaker B: That was something like when I.
After I graduated from high school, my family got stationed over there, so a lot of my friends as they would enlist were like, oh, okay, I'll go to your ceremony. But that was the thing was every time they look different, they carry themselves different.
[00:08:45] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:08:46] Speaker B: That transformation is really amazing. Yeah.
I was moving ahead into. So you got open, General. Does that mean you became a cop?
[00:08:57] Speaker C: Yeah, so, I mean, I became a cop. Yes. What happened is like, three weeks before I graduated, I was. Received a paper and it was like, hey, open General here. They give you your papers and they say your name and like, security forces over here. I was like, wait, wait, this is wrong. A physical therapist. He was like, no, you're security forces. Have a seat. I'm like, oh, my gosh. It traumatized me, honestly, because my father was killed. Gun violence situation. I promised myself, even though basic training, I had to shoot a weapon. I was like, I never want to do that again to be a cop. I was like, oh, my gosh. That. That changed a lot for me. Went to security forces school. That Was in San Antonio as well. Learned so much about myself out there. How to protect people a little bit. I always had that protection piece in me, but it was like to actually officially learn how to protect people also you're learning how to go to war and preparing yourself. It was hard as a woman going through that because the males there, they treat you different. You have to like really, really fight to be on their level. Deployment, training, all those things. Sexual harassment, assault were so big in tech school, unfortunately. Really? Yeah. And we didn't talk about it. We just talk about it like a month. Some of the women would discuss it, but then some would just be like, I don't want to talk about. But you know what happened. It was bad out there.
[00:10:15] Speaker B: Laund has this label or cloud over it now because of that scandal that happened back in. Was it like 2012 or so? And with having to prove yourself as a, a female around a mostly male service, what, what did you feel like you had to do to be respected?
[00:10:36] Speaker C: You have to run faster, everybody. You had to do more push ups, you had to shoot better, you had to get better, better grades in your studies. You had to show that you deserve to have a seat at the table. That would come at a cost of being called names. I was called a lesbian because I was out there fighting and doing the things that I'm supposed to do. But they're like, oh, you're masculine. The name calling happened. Yeah, you never, it's catch 22. It was very, very different after that. After, you know, going through tech school and having approved myself, I finally was able to graduate. It was very stressful during that time because if you remember, like you got to get your assignment, you don't know if you're going to be able to go back home.
[00:11:17] Speaker B: Right.
[00:11:17] Speaker C: It was stressful. And I found I had Arizona. I thought I was going to Texas. They're like, oh, welcome to Arizona. I was like, oh, what am I gonna do here? So they took me off to Arizona. That's when the real military happened. That's when I saw a lot of things.
[00:11:32] Speaker B: So I'm sure.
[00:11:33] Speaker A: Trigger warning for the upcoming Segment from about 11 minutes 26 seconds to 29 minutes 11 seconds. Quite a few triggers in this. For a full description, please visit our blog.
[00:11:46] Speaker B: Yeah, well, to your level of comfort, you can go ahead and share some of that, that military realness because yeah.
[00:11:54] Speaker C: My first 60 days, I would say in less than six months of me being in the military was my first sexual assault. And I had already overcame so much because of Childhood trauma. The sister I mentioned earlier, she was also sexually assaulted, and I had to go home and take care of her. Coming back and then getting sexual assaulted myself. I'm like, what is going on here? What happened was we were going in to sign off and meet our leadership. I got my gun and I was reporting to my flight. Went in and saw my first sergeant, the person who's supposed to protect me, the person who's supposed to get me prepared, give me those resources I need to be a successful airman. That person that was supposed to be my eyes and ears just to help me. I came into his office, and I sat there and I had my dress blues on. He looked at my uniform, and I noticed he kept on walking towards me, and I felt so uncomfortable as he was walking towards me. I had my ribbons on, and he was. Came over there. He was like, can I fix your ribbons? I was like, okay. I never had a man do it or I could fix it. Just tell me what to do. He was like, I'll fix it. I can see it. So I was like, okay. And as he was doing it, he was groping my breast.
I froze, and I. Sometimes I beat myself up out. Like, why did I just stop and run? But I froze in that moment. And he continued, and he was going down further to my belt buckle. I felt something wasn't right. I jumped up and I ran out of there. I got out of there as I was running out of there, and I kind of slowed down at the end of the hallway because they're like, airmen don't run in the hallways. I met a young lady. I still remember her to this day. She was red hair. She was an airman like me, and she was picking up trash. She said, are you okay? I didn't know how to answer it. She was like, don't tell anybody what happened. He did the same thing to me. Don't say anything. If you say anything, you'll do what I do and they'll kick you out. She was in the middle of being discharged from the military because she reported him. And so they had her on what they call rod squad, where you have to pick up trash and, you know, go outside and rake rocks. I remember her face to this day. I was like, okay, I'm not going to say anything because if I say something, I'm done. That led down a horrible path after that.
[00:14:06] Speaker B: So that guy, he's been doing that for. Wow.
[00:14:11] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:14:11] Speaker B: For who knows how long. My goodness. She knew immediately when she saw your face.
[00:14:16] Speaker C: After that happened, I Had to report into my flight and meet all the people I was going to work with. They were like, hey, did you meet our nasty first sergeant?
The guys were joking about it. They knew this was his history. But I'm like, nobody's reporting him. They were like, well, did he touch you? Hahaha. Or laugh? And I was like, no, I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if I should tell them or say something if they're going to report it back to him. He had a reputation of that.
[00:14:43] Speaker B: Yeah, that's horrible. And yeah, if you're, you're not, if you're a listener, viewer that's not really familiar with the military rank structure, the first sergeant is basically your mentor, built in to your experience. They're supposed to tell you when you're screwing up or if they see that you really want to succeed and promote and whatnot, they're supposed to guide you on the path. For them to take advantage of that situation is disgusting. The amount of trust that a brand new airman is supposed to put into this one person, like, that's, that's just horrifying. I'm so sorry. And everybody knew.
[00:15:28] Speaker C: Oh, I felt like it was only probably like three or four of us women. The guys, they stayed together and they knew some of them were doing things too to the female airmen. It was a lot going on there at that base. Wow.
[00:15:41] Speaker B: What was going through your head at this point where people are joking about it?
[00:15:47] Speaker C: I think that night after I went back to my dorm room, I locked the door. I was locking everything and it was so uncomfortable. And I showered and I couldn't stop. I would get out, just jump back in. Because it reminded me of the childhood trauma that I never got help for. To see this happen again. And then my sister, I'm like, okay, did I cause something? What happened? I was playing in my head. Did I cause this? Did I come onto him? Did I not say something? Was I face looking a certain. Like I didn't know how to feel? It was me questioning myself. I just felt disgusting. Probably the day after, I just had this rigidness about myself. That's when my drinking started. I just need to numb the pain. And I became an alcoholic.
[00:16:28] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, Definitely been down that path. Were you of legal drinking age at that point or were you just able to. Yeah, no, no.
[00:16:39] Speaker C: I was 19, 20 years old. We were right on the border of Mexico. We would drive down to Mexico and just drink. I met some people who were pretty cool. That were my friends. I felt comfortable going with them and drinking. That's what I would do. It just got so bad. I would go to work and just smell like liquor. But it wasn't just me. That's. That's what we all did. We were all smelling liquor. Yeah.
[00:17:00] Speaker B: And when everybody else is doing it, it's. It's easy to hide that you're doing this to numb yourself and. And protect yourself.
Yeah, yeah. Been there.
[00:17:11] Speaker C: And we had guns. That was a bad. That was the worst thing. Somebody got through the gate. You never know what happens. And you're there drunk and you can't respond like you. Like you're supposed to. It was dangerous. We could have all hurt other people. Definitely could have.
[00:17:26] Speaker B: That kind of wisdom comes with healing, though. In the moment, you're just like, it's Tuesday.
[00:17:33] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:17:35] Speaker B: Did you feel like that? Although it wasn't unhealthy coping, was it helping you get through?
[00:17:40] Speaker C: It was for the moment. When I drunk, I. All my worries were gone. Right. I didn't think about it. But once the alcohol wears down, you're back thinking about, oh, this happened again. Now I gotta drink again. As soon as I get off work, I'm drinking, I'm drinking. Fortunately, it caused me to get. Be involved in a domestic. Domestic violence relationship. I met my first husband getting drunk. Shanav ended up getting pregnant and so jumping from one trauma to the next. Only reason why I stopped drinking, because I got pregnant.
[00:18:10] Speaker B: Right.
[00:18:12] Speaker C: It was sad.
[00:18:14] Speaker B: It's interesting because mental health providers, they'll tell you if you have compound traumas like that or complex traumas, it's a loop that you get stuck in because that's your normal and you don't really know anything outside of that. Especially if something happened to you when you're super young.
[00:18:32] Speaker C: Sad thing about it, during that time period, this was 2002, we didn't talk about mental health. It was when we were in uniform. It was, this is your job. You do your duty. You protect and serve. If you did have a mental health concern, it was like, hey, give me your gun and go work on the streets or go clean up trash. We didn't talk about it. The clinics never came to us. I don't even remember having a briefing with the mental health specialist or anybody pertaining to alcohol. We didn't have that. Nobody talked about it back then.
[00:19:04] Speaker B: Whereas now people are annoyed by it because it's. It's everywhere.
[00:19:08] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah.
[00:19:09] Speaker B: But this is why is because people were harming each other and then trying to Cope. And things were dangerous. People were losing their lives. I mean, having a firearm and poor mental health and being drunk does not result in good for a lot of people. Like, it's, it was a lot.
[00:19:30] Speaker C: It was. Oh my gosh. I remember after everything being pregnant. Well, right before I found out I was pregnant, I had a good friend of mine, we became real close. Airman Bennett. I went to a gait check, I relieved him for lunch. I seen something was off with him. I was asking him, are you okay? What's going on? I relieved him, he went and ate and he came back. And next thing you know, as soon as I turn around in my vehicle because I was patrol that day, I hear a pop, pop. I'm like.
And then I found out, like, I turned back around and we're screaming on the radio saying, hey, he shot himself, he shot himself. We're seeing blood pour out of the gate. Checks again. We're dealing with mental health again. Nobody ever talked about it even after that day. They're like, oh yeah, you can get counseling. But I was like, who do we go through? Like, mental health was bad. We've seen a lot of people lose their lives out there.
[00:20:19] Speaker B: Yeah. And for younger folks that are serving currently, this is why there's so many briefings. This is why, why there's the stand down days. This is why they're trying to remove the stigma. So you've had these numerous experiences. Marriage, domestic violence, pregnancy, seeing someone lose their life.
What is your, your mental and emotional state at this point?
[00:20:44] Speaker C: Woo.
I just, I was like cold. I was cold to the word. I wasn't even living. I was just here. I didn't know how to cope. I was having a lot of nightmares and being a young mom, it was really hard. I had my son at 20, 21 and being with his father and seeing his father go down mentally as well and then being pregnant and then finding out six weeks later they're sending me to deploy and my body isn't healed. I just was like, this is going to be my life. I just didn't care anymore. I was having suicidal thoughts, but I was like, oh no. I just something I can't do, you know, I'm not going to do that. So it was bad. The alcohol intake increased a little bit after I had my son. It started increasing a little bit more. Then going to training to get ready to deploy again. I stopped. I was able to quit drinking and didn't get any help, but I was there and I couldn't be a mother to my Son, no emotional connection.
[00:21:39] Speaker B: Right?
[00:21:41] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:21:41] Speaker B: And also, I mean, your body has gone through all these hormonal changes and everything too, as well as healing. So. Good God. You just went through it over and over again.
[00:21:51] Speaker C: It was tough. Yeah. Right before I left for deployment because me and his father were going through so much. I had to send my son to my grandparents to take. Then they took care of him while I was overseas. I prepared for going over there mentally, wasn't ready.
Knew I needed help before I left, but I just went anyway. So I didn't get kicked out, I just left. Yeah.
[00:22:12] Speaker B: And that's the other part, is that not only were the services not really well shared or advertised, everybody knew if you go to mental health, more than likely you won't be in the military anymore. So it's this double edged sword. People are just trying to keep their jobs.
[00:22:31] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:22:32] Speaker B: No sense.
[00:22:33] Speaker C: Yeah. Set the cost of losing your life.
[00:22:36] Speaker B: Yeah.
And this is the early 2000s. So like imagine what it was like in the 70s and 80s where it just like not only was it not talked about, it just wasn't a thought. It was more like man up to everybody.
[00:22:50] Speaker C: Yeah. I had uncles that served in the army and I saw how they came back mentally. They were drinking. Vietnam vets did that for years until they passed away and had all these diseases. Yeah, it was bad. Yeah.
[00:23:04] Speaker B: Yeah. And it's this. These are the reasons though, that all of these things are there now. I can't stress that enough, but. So now you're in theater overseas.
[00:23:16] Speaker C: Yeah. So first deployment wasn't bad. It was to Dubai, which was beautiful.
[00:23:21] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:23:22] Speaker C: Yeah. But I did see certain things that during that time we were able to drink. Yeah, it was. Yeah, we were able to drink. I think it was a six month deployment. We were able to drink for like the first two or three months until our sexual thoughts start happening more and more. One of my friends, I had to testify against hers.
It was a lot because these were officers, right. It was the officers be like, I don't. I don't need to do that. I get women on me all the time. Like, I don't need to take something from someone. And we were like seeing it. There was actually video of them outside because we used to have basketball tournaments of them groping her and me having to grab her and be like, hey, come here, let me get you. Then as soon as I turn around, they're right back on her or she's walking over there not realizing what's going on. It was a lot over there. And the more Rank you had, the more power that you had. They took advantage of us a lot.
[00:24:12] Speaker B: Yeah. And when you're brand new and you've already had that experience with leadership. Yeah. Of course you're not gonna say anything. You're terrified.
[00:24:21] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:24:26] Speaker B: And your friend, when she was going through all of that, was she able to verbalize what was going on or she just kind of did the same. Pushed it down.
[00:24:35] Speaker C: She said she didn't remember half the things that happened. She remembers some of them, but she did mention the part I didn't know that she went to their dorms or their tents. We didn't know that part, but she never wanted to talk about it. To this day, she won't say what happened. It was scary for us, but I could tell that she was traumatized. I can see the crying, the shaking. She became real reserved. We had to mentally check on her. Even got to the point of trying to put a business out there. But bedwetting, having to help her change her sheets, it was. It was tough. It was very tough. But I knew what she went through. I just didn't want to. I just couldn't be there because I didn't know how to, you know, express my concerns.
Why is this happening? Why is this happening? We don't deserve this. We're not asking for this. In that moment, it was like, what can I do to change it? But I was not ready to speak up yet. There's a lot of times that I was like, am I failing her for not speaking up? Am I failing her? Did I not protect her? Those things you want to. You know, you want to. You don't understand. Mentally, I was gone. I just. Yeah, I couldn't be there. I kind of avoided her. That's the sad part. I was there for in the beginning. Then later, I just kind of avoided her because I just didn't know what to say. Yeah.
[00:25:50] Speaker B: Yeah. And, you know, withdrawal, like that is a method of self protection for a lot of people.
[00:25:56] Speaker C: Mm.
[00:25:57] Speaker B: Because, like, whatever you're going through is triggering me, and I don't even know that I'm being triggered. Yeah. So in this six month period, I'm trying to think of how to frame this one. Were you looking forward to going home? Because it sounded like you were gonna go back to, like, a dangerous situation again.
[00:26:15] Speaker C: Within that time frame, I got a phone call, and they said, hey, we need you to come back home. Your husband's been shot.
[00:26:22] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
[00:26:23] Speaker C: And didn't even know that he had went to a party and he Was trying to steal somebody's rims.
And, yeah, they were like, well, you can come home. I was like, no, I don't want to be home. I don't feel safe. I know he's going through his own thing, but I just don't feel safe. I decided to stay, you know, got some rest. I was finally able to sleep a little bit more without him there. But I always checked on my son. My son was still with my grandparents. That was that. Until I returned home. It all went downhill.
[00:26:52] Speaker B: It's just one thing after another, and it breaks you down like, this is just life.
[00:26:59] Speaker C: Yeah. When we got the phone call that we're returning back home, got on the flight. I waited for him. We kind of got there a little early, so I was, you know, like, okay, well, I'm not gonna tell him I'm home. I'm just gonna go straight home and. But he ended up picking me up. We finally told him, like, hey, I don't have a ride home, so can you come get me? He came and got me, which was weird because he wasn't in uniform. And I'm like, this. You supposed to be in uniform today. We went home and later found out he was discharged from the military, which he didn't tell me. He was put on his uniform, like he was going to work every day. My command called me and told me that he was no longer serving and that he needed to get an ID card because he was my dependent. We went through that, the dishonesty. It led to a physical altercation. He got addicted to pain meds because of the shooting in his hand, and we actually had a physical fight. And that was the last time I saw him. I was feeling really down at that moment, because I was like, why is he lying? Why is this stuff happening? I couldn't get my son at the time because I was trying to figure things out on, like, how can I be a better mother? I was trying to start counseling. I didn't like it initially. Christian counseling. This wasn't good place. It was like the blame game. Like, could you have been a better wife? Things like that.
Yeah. So I was like, okay, I'm trying to seek help, and this isn't helping. So again, drinking again. I didn't. I didn't do. I didn't go heavy as I was before, but I was starting to drink again. And then I remember getting this phone call saying, hey, your car is getting repoed. You haven't paid on it. I'm like, yeah, I sent him the money, and he forwards it over have allotment to him, and he takes care of it. So my car got repoed. Right when I came back, I was getting kicked out my house. He took my government travel card and then spent about $3,000, got a ticket back home, and I didn't see him anymore after that. After we got into a fight and he got arrested.
[00:28:51] Speaker B: He put you through the ringer.
[00:28:52] Speaker C: Yeah, he did. So I was there after all that happened. I found out my government travel card after the base called me and told me that you have unauthorized charges on there. I mentally was like, I can't. I was so over it. Thank goodness. I had people who kind of stepped in and was like, hey, you have orders. You know, you didn't leave him. He lied. So I was able to get some relief until I could get back on my feet. And I had. I had no money. I was starving. I couldn't eat.
[00:29:20] Speaker B: And it. It takes a very selfish. Like some person without empathy. And he knew what he was doing with the government travel card because he's also military. Like, I could see a civilian being like, oh, it's just a card.
But yeah. Oh, man. How did your.
How did your command support you through all of this? And did they support you?
[00:29:53] Speaker C: When it came to my command, I had a guy named Master Sergeant Blair, which I love to this day. They got me in a position working the front of the gate. I would go there, I check IDs and stuff. He basically supported me. I told him what I was going through, and he was like, hey, if you need anything, I'm here. But I did not want to bother him that much. And I had a first sergeant who came in. I think she was an interim first sergeant. Amazing woman. And they said, hey, we got orders for you to go to Korea. Do you want to take those? I was like, yes, whatever I can do to get me out of here, to get me back on my feet, I was able to do that. And then the first sergeant gave me like a voucher to go get food until I got more money. I was able to get food. They helped me in that way, definitely.
[00:30:35] Speaker B: That's so good. I'm glad that that's what leadership is supposed to do, not. Not what that. That nasty first sergeant did.
[00:30:45] Speaker A: Okay. That was part one of Lakhedra story. Yes. It was a lot for one person to go through in just 19 short years. We did discuss how if someone experiences several traumas as a child, sometimes that turns into a trauma loop as an adult where you keep reliving it because that's your normal if you never got help or support in part two. She does find that, I'm happy to say, but you'll have to wait till next week to find out what she learned. I did mention before about the VA disability toolkit that we have. I came up with this really cool template and spreadsheet. I figured plenty of other people could benefit from it as well. I put together a lot of resources from different areas around the web, from the DAV to the VA's website to resources that VSOs have shared with me. They're all in one place for you to download and keep track of anything pertaining to your medical records. What's also in there is the 38 CFR. That's what the VA uses to give you your ratings. All of this information is in one handy little folder, plus quite a few links to other places to make sure that you get the rating that you deserve. There's a link to it below and it's completely free. But there are also resources in there to find VSOs to help you in this process. There's a lot of little tips and tricks in there. What you should know though, is make sure the person you go to is accredited.
[00:32:07] Speaker B: A VSO is never going to charge.
[00:32:09] Speaker A: You to do your claim. There's plenty of people out there taking advantage of veterans. Part two of the Kedra Story will be coming out next week. We will see you then. And remember, your voice is the weapon in the fight against MST.
